NICKNAMES:

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike , Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT:

When the bill arrives, Mike , Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS:

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel …

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS:

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP:

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night..

OFFSPRING:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

It’s possible the content of this email came from this website: http://www.hartfelt.net/fun/humor/humor7.html

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Three women die together in an accident And go to heaven. When  they get there, St. Peter says, ‘We only have one rule here in  heaven: Don’t  step on the ducks!’

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It was  almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they tried their best  to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St.  Peter chains them together and says, ‘Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend  eternity chained to this ugly man!’ The  next day, The second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not  wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she  steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on …. Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.. The happy woman says, ‘I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?’ The guy says, ‘I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a Duck.

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Here they are:

“Been hanging at the temple for the last 3 days. Mom and dad just found me. They’re ticked.”

“40 days without food. Satan doing a full court temptation press. Does he really think he can win?”

“Made a whip, flipped some tables and drove out a ton of religious rip offs. I love my job.”

“Just healed ten lepers,only one came back to thank me. Nothing worse than ungrateful ex-lepers.”

“5 loaves + 2 fishes x the power of God = Fish and Chips for 5,000! Thanks for your lunch kid!”

“Want to make Pharisees mad? Heal a guy with a withered hand on the Sabbath or just preach truth.”

“Got laughed at because I said a dead girl was sleeping. Guess what? She just woke up!”

“Judas just got upset that a former prostitute ‘wasted’ expensive perfume on me. He doesn’t get it.”

“Revealed my glory to 3 disciples. Moses & Elijah showed. Peter wanted to set up a tent. Crazy Pete!”

“Rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. Sure, they’re waving palm branches now. Give them a week.”

“Just rose from the dead. Can’t find my disciples. I heard they all went fishing. Go figure.”

“Showed Thomas my scars. He’s not doubting anymore.”

“Watching my disciples as I ascend to heaven. They look helpless. Will send Holy Spirit soon.”

You can read more on http:gregstier.org

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1) Nice bible!
2) I would like to pray with you.
3) You know Jesus? Me too!!
4) God told me to come talk to you!
5) I know a church where we could go and talk!
6) How about a hug, brother?
7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy. Christians don’t shake hands, Christians gotta hug!
9) Oh you are cold, Eccleseasties 4:11.
10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a Bible study?
12) I am here for you.
13) The word says “Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry” … how about dinner?
14) You don’t have an accountability partner? Me neither.
15) You want to come over and watch The Ten Commandments tonight?
16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
17) Would you happen to know a Christian man that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?
18) Nice braclet. What would Jesus date? I mean “do”
19) Do you believe in Divine appointment?
20) Have you ever tried praying at a drive in movie before?
21) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
22) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah thats his name.
23) You know they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated a Christian.
24) I don’t see it, but some people think I look like Sampson
25) What’s your name and number so I can add you to my “prayer” list?

I’ve got to say these funny lines made me laugh. Try them at your own risk:))))
You can find a more extensive list at www.realchristiansingles.com

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