My past is more than a reminder,
it is the very thing that haunts me,
it traps my mind in cage from which I can’t find an escape.
my past feeds my shame until I can no longer breathe,
I weighs down on me until….
it feels no movement.
My past infects my soul,
leaving nothing left but hole,
a hole that I willing feed until there is nothing left of me.
then I reach a point where I weigh my life to see what its worth
trying to decide whether to take my own breathe or not,
its my darkest hour….I hide myself from everything. Wanting to disappear
it’s like being lost in a forest, blind and completely helpless.
Not know what to do or where to go…..
Only because I have run from Him to pursue a life not worth living
finally at rock bottom I call out to my very creator
my lord, my God
I remember David and his psalms.
I begin to say them aloud to myself, “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil.”
I quote it louder and louder until iam screaming it.
It is then I remember why I don’t have to fear.
and at that moment God takes a hold of me and becomes….
my eyes
my light
my path
God I have nothing left of me, take me and make me into whatever you want
god you were there when I was lost and helpless
you gave me the strength to go on
no matter the trials or hardships or evils that my exist
god gave me a way out…..
Even in my darkest hour!

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