Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph
was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.


Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.


Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around  Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.


Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.


Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A.. Joshua, son of Nun.


Q. Why didn’t they play cards on the  Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.


PS… Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it’s in the Bible. It says . . ‘He-brews’

KEEP SMILING!!!! GOD LOVES YOU BUNCHES AND! BUNCHES!!!!
Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.

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NICKNAMES:

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike , Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT:

When the bill arrives, Mike , Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS:

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel …

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS:

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP:

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night..

OFFSPRING:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

It’s possible the content of this email came from this website: http://www.hartfelt.net/fun/humor/humor7.html

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3. Don't Step On Ducks -Clean Joke

Three women die together in an accident And go to heaven. When  they get there, St. Peter says, ‘We only have one rule here in  heaven: Don’t  step on the ducks!’

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It was  almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they tried their best  to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St.  Peter chains them together and says, ‘Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend  eternity chained to this ugly man!’ The  next day, The second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not  wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she  steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on …. Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.. The happy woman says, ‘I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?’ The guy says, ‘I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a Duck.

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